on the gad


In coffee on November 26, 2012 at 6:24 pm

when i was young i started running in an attempt to catch up to my life which was ready to begin somewhere just up ahead. as an adult i kept running because i had it in my head that if i just kept moving i could outrun stupid. then i gave up running for a long time while i worked on building strength from the inside out. now i run because i’m inspired, restless, and because, gosh darn it, i can! and i’m willing to stick with laborious runs while anticipating those easy, strong legs & lungs runs. i might need a new outfit soon though; the running shoes have lost their pumpf.

in other sports, i was desperately worried i had flubbed the juggling and disappointed the kiddies. my daughter was so proud of me for opening my heart & mind at an age where a lot of women just throw in the towel and embrace solitude. but my suitors lost interest and reunited with ex-lovers leaving me to feel like a female-formed bookmark, a mere willie-warmer if you will. it hurt. and i lost my dignity. and i did the math and could only come up with = i must be unlovable. then i started having dreams. sweet dreams. first this one, then that one, and even one from long ago who i played house with once. and i am embraced, and necessary, and nobody wants to leave. a little bit of hopeful sparkly dream essence lingers making me glad i got to play. so glad i got to feel things again. i think that makes me a winner.

  1. For the record, you have excellent pace and endurance. In running and other sports 😉

  2. aw, baby! and you are my inspiration . . .

  3. “hopeful sparkly dream essence” — yes! wishing you more of that stuff 🙂

  4. for women our age we do lose a little something of ourselves when we play by the rules and find ourselves runner-ups. so much we are the prey for foot-massaging, organic, fire signs. but we do not lose dignity because we played fair and others did not. hold your head up dear. there are living and breathing misogynists out there which have nothing to do with you being lovable. it is they who are incapable of loving and unfortunately it is a game. i show my weak vulnerable side, get what I want and then profess to my one and only frigid love, i must return because she accepts me and my BS.

  5. I ran last night covering a Berkeley demo. I fell behind taking notes and photos and had to run a good half mile (I was a ten miler), but I’m uncharacteristically besieged with shin splints, so I ran on my toes and I didn’t cramp at night.

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